— Marlon Brando (via cloudypianoblues)
Sitting in Panera, determined to finish the most time consuming piece of my evaluation within the next four hours. I’ve got a chai tea latte to my left, a peach pecan muffin to my right, Pandora streaming through my earbuds, and a happy mood to back me up.
The happy mood was triggered by my brief encounter with the mailman this morning. As I want to slip my envelope in the outgoing mail slot, he offered to just take it for me, grinning and wishing me a great day. He was older, had this thick white mustache hovering his upper lip, and a hat that seriously had me giggling all kinds of sorts as I walked away.
I hate being cold and I hate being hot but something I will always enjoy is the moment when I go from being cold to being comfortable again under a warm blanket. Something so very simple yet so enjoyable.
So yesterday evening I opened an email I’d received about a month ago from my nurse manager. The subject heading was regarding my yearly evaluation coming up, which at the time I’d casually shrugged off knowing I was hired in June of last year. I still had two months, no biggie!
I’m not sure what possessed me to open it last night, but I did, and almost immediately afterwards burrowed myself deep under the covers, having triggered what I presume to have been a spike in my blood pressure with the headache that ensued.
The message contained information regarding changes in performance manager, where we complete our evaluations, and the need to have all of our annual evaluation materials in by THE END OF THIS MONTH.
This information, coupled with my already anxious tendencies, whirled me into panic. Michael managed to calm me down with dim light, our fan’s breeze, some Ibuprofen, and his naturally comforting demeanor. I’ve been dating him for almost four years now, and I still don’t know how he does it.
But I’m a lucky one, I’m sure of that.
1. I just chewed three pieces of hubba bubba back to back, approximately five minutes apart, spitting them in the garbage as their flavor disintegrated. I started thinking about the bubble tape (I believe?) they still sell today, thinking back to childhood and feeling like I always outsmarted my parents those times at the grocery store my sister and I were allowed to select one piece of candy at checkout. The bubble tape would last me days.
2. Michael bought a Paul Simon record recently, and it’s becoming one of my new favorites.
3. So about that superhero underwear I bought at Target recently - the other day I guess I was feeling ballsy and slightly badass or something, and posted a picture of me in them on Instagram. It wasn’t a full body shot or anything, essentially just my pelvis in your face. It kinda reminds me of those numbered anatomical shots you’ll see draped in labs, except instead of close-ups of ovaries and fallopian tubes, there’s some badass superheroes in their place. Long story short, I walk into work yesterday morning and one of my coworkers goes, “so are you wearing your superhero panties today??” I immediately turned red and another nurse goes “omg Brittany you’re so innocent” blah blah blah. I stood there fumbling around with my words trying to defend my actions feeling all red and slightly peeved. Just let me be and do what I want! #noregrets #okaymaybealittle
4. Bralettes - where have you been all my life?
5. Within the past month, I’ve cared for three dying patients. Good people, wonderful families, too many tears and heart wrenching hugs to essentially strangers. I’ll just leave it at that and keep the emotional toll it’s been taking on me for another post.